Today somebody called me from an unknown number to say that I had won some free deal.I was quite exited at the possibility of a free trip and actually listened to her.She went on to confirm my e-mail address.o joseph @ hotmail . com
Just today..I wondered if you had completely stopped appearing or I had just stopped seeing you.It doesn't stop my love.
They keep saying- with time...with time ...with time all will heal.Its been a year and sometimes I have moments when I wonder how I have had done this- just lived normally ..been able to eat,dance,perform,sleep,laugh,love..all of it.And then in moments like this one it hits me..its a dream illusion.Somehow, I've convinced myself that the real place is where you are.. this place is just some parallel made of cardboard and jelly. I would ask you to wait for me..but you never did,I suppose its not any different now. They say your happier there. I don't know.
My aliveness is such a huge thing now..such a big deal..because you are not alive.The body and how I think of being in one..of actually occupying mine has transformed.I still ask but answers make me laugh.
Its not all bad.There are days when I am able to romantisize your disappearance..and I watch myself participating with all the others who miss you more than they can contain..and the eyes I watch with laugh because I have to be the world's best actress.I even convince myself.
I will always be where you are..though i don't know where that is.
This studio is where I first met you.You remain..doing jumps and kicks and showing off.Your still here giving me the "I'll come to your place after this " look. My phone goes off with the sound of sms s from you..telling me im crazy..im wonderful...Im your fairy ..telling me you can't meet..breaking up.. asking that we stay away. Inside me somewhere and around those inside parts,time has stood still and is in a loop called 'repeat'.
What you would want is for me to release you..you are released anyway.Nothing can change that.And why should I listen to you anyway! YOU never hear my voice anymore.Im so angry with you.
But you did listen.Only you heard.I don't want to speak anymore parpie. Sorry