To sir with love

Recently I've been thinking alot about my Guru and what it must be like to have the vision and insight to perhaps really change the world..or at least a patch of its back garden, and yet be held down. This not being able to fly when one knows one is the few people who can must be excrutiating. I guess the antidote to the responsibility that comes with genius is humility. This humility, this humbleness is what perhaps allows him at some level to engage with the rest of the world.
He says time and again," You cannot change anyone else, if at all there is a change that can be made, it is in yourself.." and then under his breath"in yourself...if at all.
I have and often do feel rage and anger towards him. It is after all annoying to have his voice in my head when I binge or light a cigarette or drink too much. It is even more frustating to not understand his words or the image he is so desperately trying to convey.But it is immensely rewarding to be in his presence. I feel so priveledged.
Its an exiting scintillating sensation that feels like aliveness to feel deep love for someone while being given a subtle dressing down by him,to misunderstand him and his intentions only to be proved completely wrong by some tiny gesture he makes the next day and to smile and enjoy the liberating gush of foolishness and modesty that lifts me up and to know that at least for a small part of this life I have been chosen by life to intensely experience the stroke of a master.
I love you sir.