Could it be that my biggest fear is to hurt someone? I thought for a while that I was extremely paranoid about being judged...about not being liked, worse still, being disliked.. scared that I would loose dance.. scared of the dark and loneliness ... terrified of certain inexplicable phenomenon .. worried about my attachment to some people .. the list is unfortunately endless.
So when did I become one of those people who tremble at intimacy because they have become so unable to see a thing through that they might cause immense damage to the other involved? I find that I am not only fearful of the effect a night or a week or a month with someone might have on that someone but am perhaps even more unwilling to carry the weight of the guilt of hurting someone.
I wish it wasn't so complicated - standard dialogue in such situations - I know.But I haven't as yet learnt to seperate the emotional responsibility form the shared ecstasy.. and the moments of oneness from the next morning's seperation.
Where does intimacy cross over from being comfort to being pleasure? Is there anything damaging or unwise about engaging in either or both? Can it really be just 'fun' if its deep, tender and even beautiful....
I have no answers. I don't even think there are any.
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